I feel like Gollum. I haven’t been getting out much on account of Camp NaNoWriMo, so I’m all pale and my hair is stringy, my only company during the day is my hobbit-sized son and I’m OBSESSED with my precious. Not the one ring to rule them all, but my novel. All the time I devote to thinking on, talking about and, of course, writing my novel, is making me crazy.
Which is fine by me. See having a creative brain can feel like insanity. It is crazy to have make-believe people and imaginary worlds in your head and the longer we fight to lock them away or ignore them, the harder those characters and ideas fight to get out. I’m treating my particular case with heavy doses of writing. I pour all of my crazy out on the page, so that my brain can have a break from the constant hammering of ideas. It’s like popping in a cough drop to cure a sore throat. It does nothing to cure the overall condition, but it does offer some blessed, albeit temporary relief.
But none of that explains why I haven’t posted anything in over a week. I’m behind on my goal and I had a few days there where I struggled to find the words. See writing is also communication and the challenge is to take these amazing movies that we see in our heads and describe them in such a way that others can see them. This is a great plan in theory, but when I’m writing my rough draft this is rarely the case. I envision Empire Strikes Back, but I end up writing Phantom Menace.
Now when this happens, I’m tempted to throw my computer against a wall and call it a day but, while that would feel amazing, that is not how novels get written. Also, eventually the crazy of creativity will return and then it’s back to square one. No, the only real solution is to let your Empire Strikes Back be Phantom Menace. Let it be crap.
I get to the point eventually where I just throw it all out there. As Hemingway put it, bleed. Naturally this can be painful, particularly when I read through what I’ve written. I cope by leaving comments for Future Hayley like “make this suck less.” And sometimes I will write a paragraph from a new angle to see if second take is better, but I don’t delete anything.
As mentioned, writer me is nuts and what Present Hayley thinks is crap, Future Hayley might appreciate. And there is nothing worse than knowing you’ve already written the perfect words to describe something and those words are gone because Past You was a jerk and deleted them.
So, I hope this ranty rant is of the sense-making variety and if you don’t hear from me much this month or I don’t post anything for awhile, check the Misty Mountains.
Total Words Written in July: 14,788
Goal for this point: 18,387
Manuscript total: 82,101
How I feel about writing today
Now I want to hear from you! How is your writing (or reading) going? Rate it either Phantom Menace (sucktastic), Empire (you seek Muppet guidance), Jedi (fun and space bears) or A New Hope (ALL OF THE AWESOME).